Journal 4- interwoven thoughts, ideas, and concepts across the board

I am just amazed at how things; classes, people, concepts, and perspectives are so interchangeable. I just got done with having an hour long discussion on the philosophy of life, which all entailed questioning things such as, what is it that we want to do with life, how do we know, what if I fail? These questions are paramount to the all of the courses that I am taking right now- in one way or another and I am just amazed how connected things really are in life, in my life, the right here and the now.

The professor that is a part of this group (non-school related) said that we should answer three questions as honestly as possible in order to answer the question: what am I going to do in life?

The questions were:

1. What needs doing in the world?
2. What am I good at?
3. What do I think would be really cool to do?

Now- the answers have to be brutally honest and answered in this order, he said. As a result of the wonderment; the first question will always give you dignity, the second with give you pride, and the third will give you joy. If you have captured an answer to the first and not the other two; then that’s an okay life, if you have the first two and not the third; your life is better yet, and if you’re lucky to have all three; then you’ve really figured out what you are going to do in life.

Obviously, the answers are complex questions and should attribute to some very deep thinking so I myself have not completed my list. However, I think thinking about these questions could be very fulfilling, especially at a time I am at a certain crossroads in life and really analyzing the ins and outs of my decision to become a teacher. I think I would make my experience to becoming a teacher so much more meaningful.

I have realized, even though I have not completed the task of making my list that I really truly desire to become a teacher. It fits me: I think that after I am a “true” teacher, I will have the dignity, pride, and joy that would make my life so rewarding. Therefore, I guess I am saying that I am very comfortable with my decision and where it has led me. I’m comfortable, at least getting more so, in my radical sense of uncertainty. It’s Okay to be here, to question the things around me, and to be somewhat scared of that voyage.

All of these thoughts have intermingled in the concepts of all of my classes. In art, I am being awakened by what is art? How do interpret art? Why, and what are my assumptions? In the middle school class, it’s what is an adolescent? At what age does adolescence being and end? How do I know this? What are my assumptions? In my two T-Cert classes, it’s what is teaching? Who is a teacher? Why do I want to become a teacher? What are my assumptions? The classes are all different, yet so interchangeable. It’s almost surreal, scary, but comforting at the same time.

There are some things that I am still processing throughout this entire process. However, I do not have to have all of the answers right now, which is okay and should be expected. I have been very passionate about the fact that learning is a process, a constant life-long process. This is where Dewey comes into play- his thoughts and philosophy on education. Life is a process and as teachers, we are still playing in that process as learners too. I completely and whole heatedly agree.

There was one member in this conversational group that was stating she is so fearful of failure that she is not sure if she should teach. She stated that she was fearful of hurting a child, sending them into the corner, fearful for loving a child too much, fearful for just not being about to be a good teacher. She asked the professor at one point, when did he know that he was a good teacher. I think his response was almost shocking to her as he said, “It was when I knew how bad of a teacher I was”. Amazing, isn't it?

We think of good teachers as always being good teachers- never failing. However, they had to become good at some point and something along the way had to drive that. I could almost see my friend’s thoughts pouring out of her eyes- this touched her in a meaningful way as I think she realized that she has to give herself permission to fail in order to be good. That’s not to say that she needs to be “bad” in order to be good, but one can’t be perfect and we need to allow ourselves not think that we can be perfect. I would assume that being a “good” teacher takes practice. So we should allow ourselves the opportunity to learn from any mistakes along the way and to expect that we aren't going to be perfect...ever!