Journal 3- Defend, Hope, and Fight

There are so many things swirling around in my head- I feel like my head is a washing machine, constantly going around and around, then all of a sudden a rush of water breaks the noise of the cycle, only to start the process all over again. Should I keep myself on a constant rinse cycle to break the noise? Or should I just let the cycle run its full course because at least, I know at some point, the cycle will come to an end?

The readings this past week have introduced a flush of fear, a fear that I was not unaware of, but a fear that I am now closer to facing. I have waited so long to get to where I am and I still have further road ahead to go. The “radical sense of uncertainty” (Susan Sommers) that I am feeling is very overwhelming at times.

It is difficult to defend myself against those who think that the voyage I am on is worthless. It is difficult to defend my passion and interests to those who think my passion is infantile. It is difficult to defend my education to those who think my education should be so much more. It is difficult to listen to the rinse cycle of your own head- or to be in that essence of uncertainty.

Nonetheless, I am here. I am eager. I am hopeful. I am here to learn. I am here to teach.

The historical past of teaching has its shady and dark corners, yet there are some beautiful areas of sunshine that burnish out from under those dark corners, most significantly for me is what teaching is, for whom, and why. Historically, women were teachers because it was a nurturer role, not necessarily because women had the intelligence to deliver pedagogical learning to students as a profession or career.

Teaching, to me, is more than a profession; it’s a way of life. To teach is to care; about oneself and for others. Teaching is a way to change the world and to make a difference. These are the things that I have to remember when I hear stories of let down. Stories that are reality, but realities that I don’t want to exactly have to face personally.

I don’t want to have to worry about whether people will think that teaching is not a profession or a career. I don’t want to have to worry whether or not I will be perceived to be a babysitter for the public’s children. I don’t want to have to worry that some people will think I am too liberal, passionate, or emotional about learning. I just want to teach.

I am worried that I won’t get a job when I am done with school. I am hearing too many stories of first year teachers, wonderful teachers, getting their pink slips and leaving teaching all together because they don’t want to be in a profession that goes nowhere or a profession that one has to work at defending so hard.

Right now, I can only hope and pray that the economy overturns itself so that all of the wonderful and good teachers can go back to doing what they are passionate about. Society has forgotten, in the midst of the economic decline, that there are children out there who need those wonderful teachers. There are children out there who need me, too,- someday.

We were warned at the beginning of the quarter that this quarter is usually deemed the “bummer” quarter. They weren’t going to be afraid to show us the nitty, gritty, and the ugly, the professors said with cricked smiles. They weren’t kidding. Unfortunately, society has worked its way into that show and tell well enough- without readings to back it up. The negativity is disheartening, but it is not going to get the best of me…at least that is what I keep telling myself. Defend, hope, and fight. I guess that is what we teachers need to do.

What is it about teaching is looked down on, as not being a real career, as a career that one takes because there is nothing else to do, or because wannabe teachers want long summers off? How did these stereotypes become so engrained in our society? Is it because teaching is so highly associated with women, which they themselves are looked down upon by society as the lesser Other? Most importantly, how can we, as a society, as a whole, alter these perceptions?

It is almost as if there are too many fires to put out at once; too many things to defend. Where does one begin? Should we just move along, in our own little corners of our own little world and hope the rest of the world joins in with our efforts for social change?

Right now, I think that the best thing to do is to encourage those first year teachers to fight for their positions and to never give up! And to encourage those who are working hard and sacrificing so much more in their lives to become next year’s first teachers to stay on course and not give up the pursuit to become magnificent teachers!

Our children need us, the people who are passionate about learning, who care about them, and who care to make a difference in the world. Our children do not need teachers who are burned out, who don’t care, and who don’t remember their reasons for teaching! Our children do not need to be crammed, any more than they already are, into a four walled room that is just bursting at the seams.

Our children do not need to be the ones who are punished for the economic downturn!

Our community, as a whole, needs to stand up and shout for our leaders to look at cutting corners somewhere else because the educational system is a system that cannot withstand any more corner cutting or our economic downfall will never get better!

These leaders who are eager to cut, cut, cut, will only be teaching our children that they are not worth the budget to teach and they will tell the new teachers, who are eager to follow their passionate pursuits to teach, that teaching isn’t a career worth sacrificing their family, friends, and time for.