The "big idea" that I got from today is how valuable sharing our experiences truly is! It is wonderful to hear others' stories, ideas, and tips on anything and everything that has to do with teaching. It made me feel that I wasn't the only one that is going through X, Y, and/or Z. This process validates my fears and anxieties as a truly human experience. Maybe that is why I've been having what I've labeled as a little identity crises, because I have not had more opportunities to discuss my anxieties, happenings, etc. with people who are themselves going through similar experiences. It's very difficult to discuss what September experience is like to people who are so far removed from that type of environment. Being able to talk about what is going on and the "little" things that some other people could care less about; like what song do you sing to get the kids quite, is really comforting.
The things that I question are still the what ifs and the how do I do this or that? Should I be "offended" that my MT didn't call me to give me heads up that she wasn't going to be in the classroom on such and such date? Am I going to like my dyad with the 8Th grade "gifted" kids? Much of what I question are things that I need to figure out by doing and I believe that the answer would vary considerably depending on the day, time, the kids, etc. I'm getting much more used to ambiguity, but it doesn't mean that I'm not fearful or anxious about anything.
I'm anxious about the doing: am I good enough...up there leading the education of others? I'm very anxious about the dyad. The so called "gifted" part makes me feel very intimidated: what if they are smarter than me?! I thought I wanted to get my middle level endorsement because I wanted my certificate to be as well rounded as possible and I am very interested in adolescence, but I was never able to volunteer in the middle school, so I really don't KNOW how it is a middle school classroom especially with me as a teacher. I'm nervous about being observed, being video taped...etc. I know it needs to be done, and I'm sure it will be fine, but I feel very anxious about the critical viewing.
However, with all that said, even though I'm anxious, I'm still excited to really start figuring it all out. I'm hopeful that everything will fall into place. As more of a routine takes shape and I start to learn more of the "practicum" in teaching- then I think my comfort level with be enhanced as well. At least that is what I'm striving for!
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